Hey everyone, its me, pretty ryan.
Couple of thoughts I would like to pass on.
1. Apology to Mandoo. (I love how in our special blogosphere as the fancy techies call it we have our alter ego names. Too bad I didn't think mine more out, maybe some thing like "ManRyan" or "TestosteroneRyan" or "RyanThorHurtLightningManThor." I digress.)
Holly and I were out clothes shopping one Friday night at Old Navy(and apparently the rest of the world...stupid friends and family GAP coupon. I saw someone I knew in each franchise) and I ran into Mandi (not literally, that would have made the situation worse) I knew it was her but do you ever get those blank slate moments where your thinking "Me Ryan. Me know you. Me know you name. Me suddenly scared I have forgotten your name. Me knows its Mandi. But me redumb (politically correct word...) So I splutter out "hey, Mandi. Hows it going?" To which the switch kicks on, 'I have probably only physically talked to this woman 60 words in my life. She knows me only as silly pretty ryan that used to make them moving picture shows once a week. MUST ACT FUNNY.' Trying to act funny when you aren't ready for it is like diving into the water and switching to a belly flop the last minute: you go through the motions, but its not pretty.
I honestly can't remember what I said (I'm sure she does) but I remember that it was dumb. After some awkward looking around for a second. I for some reason had to point out that Holly was in the store somewhere, then I slithered away keeping a mental tracking device on her to avoid a random second encounter...which is worse than red round things.
Mandi. I must confess. While waiting for Holly by the exit I totally saw you leave. I'm sure you saw me too. But there was an unspoken oath between us, "lets not make this worse."
Let us never speak again.
2. I do the facebook thing. Some people live on it. I however, only check it every couple of days to confirm friends. I view it more as my hoard of popularity. I drag in friends (they are pretty much all legit friends except for once adding everyone with the name Lifferth...hey, I KNOW we're related.) and put them in my cute little treasure chest and mentally think how cool I am.
Anywho. The other day Holly and I announced to the world our impending baby through our status update. I was generally appreciative to everyone that commented as I know that sometimes typing one or two words and hitting enter or clicking "post" just seems a bit too out of reach for the moment. It does for me at least. Anywho again. I logged on Wednesday morning to put off an enevitable day of work and school work, to see a far off friend posted "I'm one and a half months along!" That’s cool I thought. I'm feeling overly entergetic this morning, I shall be a good Facebookamaritan and muster the keystrokes, "congrats!" Little did I realize that each time anyone afterwards comments on the status, it emails you. I know I can take it off, but sometimes its nice. Wednesday, however, it was not. I got about 5 or 6 "Lol's. That’s so ROTFL cool. HAGS!" Or something to that effect. Then Thursday morning I get one final comment, and its from the originator. "April Fools!"
WHAT? You made me have to hit delete from my inbox around 5 OR 6 times for April fools? I'm gonna April your FOOLS...whatever that means.
This brings me to my next point that women have a great annoying advantage on April Fool's day. Holly's coworker was going to have her [piddle] on a pregnancy test and she was going to take it home to tell her husband, who was NOT wanting children at the moment, the 'great news!' I'll admit. This is a pretty funny prank. Then I thought. Wait. What if the rolls are reversed. What if the husband came home and said "guess what honey, your pregnant!" Somehow I think she never would become pregnant after that due to the inflicted wounds she would inflict upon the unsuspecting husband. Just some food for thought.
3. Husbands. Does your wife ever teach you 'lessons?' I suddenly realized a few months ago that Holly loves a good lesson. It never ends with, "Ryan, please stop tickling me." "Ryan. Quit poking me with your pen." "Ryan. Please stop being annoying." But I think she feels like there needs to be a fireside chat or something. Sometimes its verbal. Holly's cousin's birthday party tonight:
"So Holly. When the new iPhone comes out, would you want my old one?"
(First of all, I LOVE my iPhone, and am completely happy with it and don't see a need to upgrade, but for some reason really want Holly to love it too. And covet as I did for months before I had "my precious." )
"Hmm. We just got you one a few months ago. I really don't want to think about that at all right now."
"Oh. Okay."
See it could be dropped here.
Holly also has been wanting a nice digital camera, you know the ones with the stalker lens, etc.. and we were evesdropping on a person next to us saying his camera body was about 3,500. Holy poo I thought. Then jokingly said to Holly,
"Keep saving your pennies."
To which she taught me my verbal lesson:
"Hey. When I get my new camera, do you want my old, crappy one?"
Oh. Hmm. Lesson learned.
Or physical lessons. I poke her in the bum, to which she promptly turns around and pokes me super hard back, "do you like that?" she says.
No. No I didn't like that. Hmm. This is intriguing.
Honestly I love "the lessons" she teaches me and we have a good laugh over them. Somehow I doubt I'm not alone on this 'going the extra mile' treatment. Sound off ya'll.
While I'm feeling defiant, check out my comment on my sister Natalie's blog.
-PrettyManThorRyan
7 comments:
Now that was an awesome post!!!! I'm laughing at your awkward moment w/mandoo at Old Navy. I ran into a former..co-counselor? at Target. After some awkward chatting we went our separate ways...only to run into each other about 5 more times. Couldn't be more awkward...finally I gave up shopping and left before we met again in adult diapers or something. I'm also laughing so hard at your lessons learned. Holly you crack me up! The camera comment was too funny. I too have a need to teach Tom a lesson. Unfortunately he's a special needs and can't be taught. Believe me I try. It's become a lifelong goal of mine to best Tom one way or another. I never win. He never fights or gets ruffled. Plus I'm usually the one being irritating by pulling his armpit hair, sticking my finger in his ears, pinching his nipples - he hates that SO much, so I keep doing it. Maybe I need a lesson.
Haaaaaaaaa Ok, that made me laugh A LOT. I'm glad we're getting this out in the open. I think you don't realize that I am the awkward conversation QUEEN, and always blame myself for any and all awkwardness. No apology needed.
It IS weird that I have this online familiarity with you and your family, but in person it's so...not the same. I kept thinking, "If only we had computers in front of us right now, this would be so much easier." I also thought back to all of my overly familiar comments to you over the years and was mentally chastising myself for being such an ass. I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn't congratulated you on Facebook yet about Holly's pregnancy. "I have something to say! The gods must be smiling on me!" So as far as MY awkward conversations go, I didn't think it was that bad. After it ended though, I did go to the opposite side of the store and tell Maddie that we had to leave immediately. And I admit I did see Holly in the women's section, but I just slinked by, hoping to go unnoticed. I thought one awkward moment was enough for the day. Plus she's so PRETTY. And pretty people frighten me. Sorry Holly. (BTW, congrats on the baby! I would have said that if I had talked to you.)
Ryan, I actually saw you at the exit AFTER I walked out the door, but I was still grateful to you. We're definitely on the same page with the dreaded second encounter. "Let us never speak again." haha! Good idea. How about the next time we see each other we just give each other a nerdy high five or finger point, then KEEP WALKING.
First, Mandi, that's okay you didn't say anything to me - it's probably for the best. I would have been more awkward than Ryan.... :)
Second, Ryan, no I am going to have to write a post about you to teach you a lesson! :) hehehe just kidding.
I don't know why I do it. It's just that when he's poking me or tickling me and I say stop and he says "stop it some more?" and keeps poking me and tickling me I guess I've learned that the best way to get him to stop is to do it back to him. Half the time I don't even think about it, which is the worst part. My kids are going to hate me...
Ryan this was the funniest post. I got a good chuckle out of it. Joel was just talking about a guy he saw at the grocery store that he went the other way to avoid the weird conversation. I think we all have that awkward moment,
As go Holly, all I can say is I know where she gets it from. I went to far one time with Joel that I gave him his own silverware and dishes to "teach a Lesson" not sure why we do that. but it does work most of the time. Love you guys and you will be awesome parents. I wish I had you both for parents.
Ryan! Thanks for the AWESOME post! True art. And Mandy's response is equally amusing. Thanks Mandy! Out in the open. That is the way to go! And Holly, as far as teachin' that boy a lesson....YOU GO GIRL! Remember he is still "in training" (SLAM from my post....sorry Ry Ry)
Oh you little stinker. In case everyone is wondering which post - it is my one entitled "A clean house"....not the most recent. I have been waiting with baited breath for your comment Ryan....so I need to tell everyone it is a ways back so that we as women can join forces and combat evil-doing. Oh, this is Natalie.
Very funny Ryan. Good reading.
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